A note

[annabtg]

Re: yesterday's entry.

To those who had the time to leave comments before I disabled them - I read them, I took them into consideration and I have them saved for future reference. But I won't be replying. I don't think I can find anything to say. Truth is, whenever I think about these matters I get too pessimistic, I can't even find it in myself to say "thanks". A "thanks" means that the words you read meant something to you, made you feel better in some way. But right now, the only thing that makes me feel better is not thinking about it.

I realize I come off as extremely rude right now, but I don't want you guys to waste your time on me by giving me advice when I'm not in the state of mind to appreciate it. It's not fair. I'd rather chat to anyone of you on MSN about some random thing or other - but I'm not going to start a conversation because I don't want to inflict my presence on anyone. And in the future, if I want to rant, I won't leave comments enabled unless I am sure I can find it in myself to appreciate them as they deserve to be appreciated.

Please understand that I have nothing against you all. Quite the opposite; you are all great friends, and this is why I'm posting this. I do need the presence of my friends around me, I just can't bear to discuss my problems right now. I can only *rant* about them. Listening to advice will only make me feel worse, because I know my mind will just ignore you, and you guys don't deserve that. I'm here for anything but that.

If you still want to say something, you can do it here.

Sorry for everything.

See ya,
Anna.

Comments

[disorientedly.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'll try to be on MSN later tomorrow so we can talk properly [God, can't even remember the last time I had a really nice long chat with you, but I've been so busy, NYARGH], about random meaningless things! Like how lame Spanish is because waaaah~ I almost failed my Spanish exam. And then we can talk about lemonade and white chocolate and pretend we're talking about really deep things when we're not! Sorry, it's kind of a habit for me to ramble on and on about pointless things, which I'm doing in this comment. asldkfjsklf

I love you. ♥ Rest assured I'm reading all your entries, even if I can't find anything to say, because I'm not very good with the whole comforting thing. You know you can always leave a comment or email if you need anything, and for now, I suppose all I can offer is my full support behind everything you do. Like I said, if I can help you with anything, please, please let me know. :]

<3

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

Ailey! *glomps* That will be so wonderful!

Thanks for this comment. It's so nice to know I have your support ♥ and no worries about not commenting. I understand - I found myself at that position too quite often. It's not always easy. And sometimes it's not even needed. Heck, I disabled comments myself in the latest entry. Never thought I'd have to do that in a post (what's the point of having a LJ, then?), but it was better than knowing there are people out there spending their time to find comforting words that would fall to deaf ears :-/

Love you too! ♥

Anna.

[cyad.livejournal.com]

am on msn right now... or at least it's what it seems. can't really tell for it's a first timer for me.

will be 'til 8.30 pm.

love you loads,

((hugs))

[judosas.livejournal.com]

Do tell me what address you are using on MSN! We can chat that way. :D

[cyad.livejournal.com]

I was on my mum's addy (for she was out yesterday night) and guess it's a first and only timer.

but am planning on getting my own net connection and as soon as I do, I'll give you all the details.

LOL+TC,

Carole

[schnuffichen.livejournal.com]

I really do understand you, so please don't worry about things like that.
If I leave a comment (which I'm not doing as often as I'd like to), I'm doing so because I'd like to say something. Not because I think that I can solve your problems or anything but because I want you to know that I think of you. A bit egoistic, if you will ;)
Still, I get your point and of course, I respect it. If you don't want comments, you won't get any. But rest assured that I'll read your rantings and I think of you!

Jana

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

I feel bad because I normally do want people to comment. I like to know that people are thinking of me. And I do that for other people too. :)

But in this case... they're just not helping. Just goes to show what a mess I have become. :-/

Thanks for understanding ♥

Hugs,
Anna.

[judosas.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

That's what LJ's for, right? Ranting. So rant away all you like if that makes you feel better. I don't have advice, nor the inclination right now to start a random chat (you see, I agreed with myself that I'd be in bed by now since I was awake till late last night), but I do have hugs.

Try not to be too hard on yourself, and maybe slowly figure out who you are now. I must admit that I recognise myself in what you say. First year of college was fine, second not so fine, third I just scraped by and last year I nearly flunked out... Just to say that you are not alone. And it'll be all right in time somehow.

But just be you and I hardly think you have to apologise for that.

Great, that just sounded like advice after all. My bad. ;)

*hugs again*

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the hugs! Very much appreciated ^__^ *hugs back*

And thanks a lot for this supportive comment too. ^__^

See ya,
Anna.

[ksarasara.livejournal.com]

I hope this doesn't sound like advice, more like... wisdom? I don't know. Anyway, I wanted to say yesterday when I read your post that it's perfectly normal what you're going through. College isn't just about textbook learning; it's about to be entirely cliché finding yourself. If I'd had an LJ my first year of college, it'd probably read much like yours. Hell, I'm sure if you go a few years back, you might find stuff like that anyway. *g* Life's a growing process, ups and downs. And you're not failing at it. :)

That said, I totally understand the comment/advice thing, so I hope this helps rather than hinder. ((((Anna))))

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for this comment, Sara *hugs back* It's nice to know that people understand me in this phase of my life.

♥

Anna.

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

No apologies necessary here. I understand completely.

As for comments, replies, and the rest... It's your journal. Do what's right for you.

Hope you find a way to work things out.

Whatever happens, I'll be here.

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

Thanks for this, Paul. I'm really, really sorry I had to do it, and I felt so bad and ungrateful towards you and the other people who had left comments. I'm glad you understand.

And I'm still really sorry.

*hugs*

Anna.

[pgwfolc.livejournal.com]

Don't be sorry. Please.

Look how many people have posted here to say they understand. Most, if not all, of us have probably been in that situation at least once. It happens.

To me, the most important thing is honesty. That you be true to yourself, honest with yourself, and honest with the people around you (especially your friends).

If you'd lied and thanked me and told me it really helped and blah blah blah, that would have been bad. It would mean you didn't trust me as a friend. It would mean that you'd have to keep lying about it as the situation persisted. It would mean that I wouldn't be able to trust you the next time you said that it helped and blah blah blah. It would mean that your friends here wouldn't know what was really going on, and that ignorance could lead us to treat you inappropriately.

Thank you for having the courage to stand up and be honest. For being friend enough to trust us with the truth. You've made things better for yourself and for us.

In short: Don't apologize. You did the right thing. Thank you.

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

:)))

See ya,
Anna. :)))

[theblackshadow.livejournal.com]

It's okay, man. Sometimes you just don't want advice and just need to say some things. Been there! And no worries, your friends will say nice things even when you don't appreciate them. That's what friends do. Thick 'n thin and all that jazz.

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

Thanks for this comment, Jen! *hugs* Very much appreciated.

See ya,
Anna.