Teenage angst abounds

[annabtg]

I got pretty pissed at my mother this evening. Don't you just hate it when you are saying something very simple, and yet it just doesn't seem to GET THROUGH SOME PEOPLE'S THICK SKULLS?

*steams*

Okay, so I need a distraction, and since studying Anatomy or Physiology I for tomorrow will NOT do the trick, I suppose I could take a shot at sharing a bit of something that's been bugging me lately.


Let me start with a few rhetorical questions.

Why do I do this to myself?

Why can't I just keep myself into an "I don't like anyone at this point in time" attitude?

Everytime I (seem to) get over somebody, it's not long before someone else catches my eye. And then, instead of thinking, "no, don't go there, if it's meant to happen it will happen on its own," I just start thinking, "hmm, he's not so bad" and "I'm wondering whether he's single" and "surely it couldn't hurt to get to know him a bit better?"

And the result is always disastrous. *headdesk*

This summer, I forced myself out of this huge crush I had on that classmate of mine, with the thought that now that school was over, who knew when I'd see him again. And it was cool not having anyone in particular to think about. I even went on a couple of dates with someone (who proved himself not worthy of my time after all, but I wouldn't have known if I hadn't actually gone out with him a couple of times).

The only downside to not having anyone in particular to think about is... just that. It's nice to have your energy focused on one particular guy, so to speak. Like, getting ready to go someplace and make that extra effort just because he's going to be there. I realize this sounds a bit clingy/dependent, but it's not. It's just something to keep you busy.

But the thing is, it usually keeps you TOO busy, which is not good.

So, this time I managed to keep my attention away from particular people for the grand total of *gasp* four months. Until late October, when a bunch of new guys and gals who didn't know the Physiology I class had started since late September, came to attend.

And among them was Eric.

Eric is not his real name. His real name is that V name that has been haunting me lately. My friends and I just call him the Greek equivalent of Eric between us, because when I first saw him I thought he looks like an Eric - he's blond, tall and has blue eyes.

So, he caught my eye almost immediately. Because blond hair and, most of all, blue eyes do that to me. And instead of repelling it, I just let it get through. And now I'm banging my head against the wall, because I think I'm getting out of control. We don't know each other well; we spent some time talking once, but basically it's just a 'good morning' and that's it. But now I think his behaviour towards me has changed and that he's giving me strange/wary looks, which means that either I've become very obvious by the way (and the amount of time) I look at him, or I'm just imagining things.

Neither is good.

And I'm asking you, dear f-list, why do I keep doing that to myself? And why does it seem like I'm still on the high-school crush level? Shouldn't I have grown over it by now?

Sigh.

I'd ask you guys for advice, except I don't believe there's really anything you can tell me that could help. (If you've got something, though, by all means, share.) I just... thought it wouldn't hurt to share.

(Cath, you owe me many schmoooooooozes.)

See ya,
Anna.

Comments

[cyad.livejournal.com]

Eric, huh? (/me wonders where you got that from).

And you're right about the thinking dtuff. can become annoying. as a matter of fact...oh, I better post to LJ.

anyway I'm so glad you got someone particular to think about.

hugs,

Carole

PS: I'm way exhauted and freaking out for tomorrows exams. I know my health was poàor and draining lately and I fear that might slow me down. Especially for the physical tests.

OTOH, if I rock the written and flunk the physics, I can still take the exam 4 months later (just the physical one). So...I think I'll enjoy the ride and see where it gets me.

I'm nearly done packing all my Xmas pressies (my, never thought there would be that much! Now I have to take care of the sending. Oh, hate to brag, but since I have to work on that self confidence issue: I managed to stack everything in just one bhox this year...asides the boys pressies of courses. OK, so that's two shippings but still I cut it 50% compared to last year!

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

"Eric" is not a common name in Greece, so I've associated it with blond, blue eyed guys from northern countries. And really, he looks like one :p

Good luck for tomorrow's exams!! :)

And, again with the presents? You're incorrigible *g*

See ya,
Anna :)

Pierre-Yves

[cyad.livejournal.com]

well, change of medication got me down. headachy (like someone put your head in a blender). all day so...called in sick and they gave me a second chance. I'll take the exam on jan 22th.

incorrigible? yeah, I know that's what all my friends tell me. But they also don't want me to change and just stay who I am. 'cause that's how they like and know me. They told me on a dinner we had on dec. 2nd and that felt good. About that Eric issue, seems I won't put it on LJ. Too personnal. But I can tell you:

mine's name is Pierre-Yves.

I met him during the day we took with same bunch of friends I had dinner w<ith on dec 2nd at Asterix Leisure parc. That was for my high school friend's Bday... ...and instantly things clicke between us. We spent most of the time together, along with the others of course but when it came to games where you could only seat two people, we always ended up together. hasard really. or so I think. then after leisure parc we went to Cathy (my HS friend) to have dinner and celebrate her Bday, and watch the last Harry Potter. Everybody fell asleep. I had a hard time not to myself. It was 1.30 pm. I also resisted the urge to fell asleep qith my head on PY's shoulder. Yeah, we were sitting together on the coach. Then, he offered to drive me home. and he did to my doorstep. And headed back home. I wished maybe he's call me or...but no.And I thought: "there you go again falling for guys you can't have". Until,on dec 2nd, Cathy confided that PY had told her that I had "an incredible inner richess. And that if only she'd be more selfconfident, se'd blossom into someone truly incredible". I jokingly asked her if he had an email so I could return him the compliment. she replied: "yes, he does. But I'm not supposed to have told you this. it's between you and me".I don't know if we're meant to be together but I so hope that's the case. I also hope he doesn't have a girlfriend for I'm volunteering! ...no unreachable guy seem atainable. And that feels wonderfu. point being: if it's meant to be, you'll get your guy in the end. Keep the faith! You can't force love and I may not be the powerfullest wicca on Earth. But believe me, I'm quite good at it and...you'll be in my thoughts. LOL+TC, Carole

Re: Pierre-Yves

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the wishes and advice! :)

*hugs*

I hope it works out for you with Pierre-Yves. It seems like it has the potential for it. Good luck! :)

See ya,
Anna.

Re: Pierre-Yves

[cyad.livejournal.com]

thanks for the good wishes. right back at ya with...you know!

LOL,

Carole

PS: nice avatar!

[cyad.livejournal.com]

and now that I think of it, he looks the part (blond, blue eyed).

noticed how my Lois side's gradually coming back? even on the writing (babbling?) department?

my luck is too. Today, I went to the shoemaker to have one belt sized. I needed two more holes in it. The lady made them. and when I asked how much I owed her she said "nothing".

then, I went to the decoration store (yeah, I've been redecorating lately) and was shoàrt on 1,5 euros to buy a Xmas decoration. The lady said: "oh. doesn't matter. go take it.

me: thank you so much.

her: well, it's Xmas! Plus this decoration will bring you luck!".

me: well, even at Xmas, not everyone that has this kind of gesture.

So I did. but came back 'cause I've forgotten to buy candles and I brought her candies, a cristal necklace, a replica of "l'Indomptable", a ring that belonged to young Marie-Antoinette, and a water bottle 'causde her back was in pain. I told her it was for Xmas and the luck. She was in awe. then I came back a third time 'cause I missed gilded plates. yeah, change of treatment made me do crazy things today: like getting out four times to buy the same thing. Don't ask! I can't even explain why!

point being, she told me that since my last visit she'd sold a tremendous amount of tthings! I said "hey! that's great!".

and regarding PY: I so hope he'll be at Cathy's NY's eve party. especially if there's mistletoe dangling somewhere, around midnight...

See ya,

Carole

PS: BTW, he's a colleague of Cathy's.

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

Often, luck comes with self-confidence! :) I think this means you're going the right way to find the balance you need in your life :)

And yay for Christmas shopping! (I must go do mine too...)

I'm hoping for you that he's going to be there too! :)

See ya,
Anna.

[cyad.livejournal.com]

you think? I'm on the right path for full-speedy recovery, then! ;)

OTOH, I started Xmas shopmping in august.
(/me sends vibes to Anna: Xmas shopping, Xmas shoppingf)

I so hope you'll be right on that last one! (/me crushes fingers, touches wood and...wish real hard!)

see ya,

Carole