Teenage angst abounds

[annabtg]

I got pretty pissed at my mother this evening. Don't you just hate it when you are saying something very simple, and yet it just doesn't seem to GET THROUGH SOME PEOPLE'S THICK SKULLS?

*steams*

Okay, so I need a distraction, and since studying Anatomy or Physiology I for tomorrow will NOT do the trick, I suppose I could take a shot at sharing a bit of something that's been bugging me lately.


Let me start with a few rhetorical questions.

Why do I do this to myself?

Why can't I just keep myself into an "I don't like anyone at this point in time" attitude?

Everytime I (seem to) get over somebody, it's not long before someone else catches my eye. And then, instead of thinking, "no, don't go there, if it's meant to happen it will happen on its own," I just start thinking, "hmm, he's not so bad" and "I'm wondering whether he's single" and "surely it couldn't hurt to get to know him a bit better?"

And the result is always disastrous. *headdesk*

This summer, I forced myself out of this huge crush I had on that classmate of mine, with the thought that now that school was over, who knew when I'd see him again. And it was cool not having anyone in particular to think about. I even went on a couple of dates with someone (who proved himself not worthy of my time after all, but I wouldn't have known if I hadn't actually gone out with him a couple of times).

The only downside to not having anyone in particular to think about is... just that. It's nice to have your energy focused on one particular guy, so to speak. Like, getting ready to go someplace and make that extra effort just because he's going to be there. I realize this sounds a bit clingy/dependent, but it's not. It's just something to keep you busy.

But the thing is, it usually keeps you TOO busy, which is not good.

So, this time I managed to keep my attention away from particular people for the grand total of *gasp* four months. Until late October, when a bunch of new guys and gals who didn't know the Physiology I class had started since late September, came to attend.

And among them was Eric.

Eric is not his real name. His real name is that V name that has been haunting me lately. My friends and I just call him the Greek equivalent of Eric between us, because when I first saw him I thought he looks like an Eric - he's blond, tall and has blue eyes.

So, he caught my eye almost immediately. Because blond hair and, most of all, blue eyes do that to me. And instead of repelling it, I just let it get through. And now I'm banging my head against the wall, because I think I'm getting out of control. We don't know each other well; we spent some time talking once, but basically it's just a 'good morning' and that's it. But now I think his behaviour towards me has changed and that he's giving me strange/wary looks, which means that either I've become very obvious by the way (and the amount of time) I look at him, or I'm just imagining things.

Neither is good.

And I'm asking you, dear f-list, why do I keep doing that to myself? And why does it seem like I'm still on the high-school crush level? Shouldn't I have grown over it by now?

Sigh.

I'd ask you guys for advice, except I don't believe there's really anything you can tell me that could help. (If you've got something, though, by all means, share.) I just... thought it wouldn't hurt to share.

(Cath, you owe me many schmoooooooozes.)

See ya,
Anna.

Comments

[cyad.livejournal.com]

and now that I think of it, he looks the part (blond, blue eyed).

noticed how my Lois side's gradually coming back? even on the writing (babbling?) department?

my luck is too. Today, I went to the shoemaker to have one belt sized. I needed two more holes in it. The lady made them. and when I asked how much I owed her she said "nothing".

then, I went to the decoration store (yeah, I've been redecorating lately) and was shoàrt on 1,5 euros to buy a Xmas decoration. The lady said: "oh. doesn't matter. go take it.

me: thank you so much.

her: well, it's Xmas! Plus this decoration will bring you luck!".

me: well, even at Xmas, not everyone that has this kind of gesture.

So I did. but came back 'cause I've forgotten to buy candles and I brought her candies, a cristal necklace, a replica of "l'Indomptable", a ring that belonged to young Marie-Antoinette, and a water bottle 'causde her back was in pain. I told her it was for Xmas and the luck. She was in awe. then I came back a third time 'cause I missed gilded plates. yeah, change of treatment made me do crazy things today: like getting out four times to buy the same thing. Don't ask! I can't even explain why!

point being, she told me that since my last visit she'd sold a tremendous amount of tthings! I said "hey! that's great!".

and regarding PY: I so hope he'll be at Cathy's NY's eve party. especially if there's mistletoe dangling somewhere, around midnight...

See ya,

Carole

PS: BTW, he's a colleague of Cathy's.

[annabtg.livejournal.com]

Often, luck comes with self-confidence! :) I think this means you're going the right way to find the balance you need in your life :)

And yay for Christmas shopping! (I must go do mine too...)

I'm hoping for you that he's going to be there too! :)

See ya,
Anna.

[cyad.livejournal.com]

you think? I'm on the right path for full-speedy recovery, then! ;)

OTOH, I started Xmas shopmping in august.
(/me sends vibes to Anna: Xmas shopping, Xmas shoppingf)

I so hope you'll be right on that last one! (/me crushes fingers, touches wood and...wish real hard!)

see ya,

Carole